Upper Middle Class Humorist Gifts

"Can't we just go after sailfish...?"

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

The Ladies Who Lurch.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

Hellbillies.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"..and this is where his lordship holds his balls and dances."

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

"Check it out, guys. Finally got my wine legs!"

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

Cook complaining to milkman

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"The fifty-five-gallon drum is completely filled with pennies, sir. Should it be taken to the bank?"

Same Sexless Marriage

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

"This leads to the actual library."

"I'm finally at a point where I learned I don't need to please my nutritionist and trainer."