Upper Middle Class Humorist T-Shirts

"Can't we just go after sailfish...?"

Middle-Age Superheroes

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

The Ladies Who Lurch.

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Hellbillies.

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"..and this is where his lordship holds his balls and dances."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'The trouble started when the world put together a large group of synchronized banks.'

"Check it out, guys. Finally got my wine legs!"

'Where are you going, I already locked out that pump.' - 'CARL'S on shift!'

"May I recommend the pumpkin seeds to starts?"

"The best way of dispersing crowds in the inner city is to start handing out job applications!"

"Call a veterinary, chief. I think he's got a kidney infection..."

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"The fifty-five-gallon drum is completely filled with pennies, sir. Should it be taken to the bank?"

Cook complaining to milkman

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

Same Sexless Marriage

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

"I'm finally at a point where I learned I don't need to please my nutritionist and trainer."