Highbrow Humorists Gifts

"His style isn't really surreal but his prices are."

"An exquisite diatribe against the conflagration of an urban elite."

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

Men: Hating chick flicks since 1623.

"Hipsters"

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

The Kids' Table at the Last Supper

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

'What distinguishes man from the lower animals is the ability to make tools.'

"Great, just great! And while you're in here, potchkeeing around with paint, Seymour Rabinowitz in the cave next door is inventing fire already!"

'Man. Piltdown Man.'

'It's in my belly-button if you must know!'

Unknowingly, with one swish of his blood soaked mammoth tail he was inflicting pain and suffering on billions of unborn people. Home decorating had been invented.

Medieval headlines.

The Ladies Who Lurch.

The Brief collaboration Alfred Nobel And Thomas Edison

"I can never remember if it's smite or smote."

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

A war would have been bad enough, but losing Alsace-Lorraine in a poker game?

Hoodies anticipate bride's choice of wedding dress.

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

The Kids' Table at the Last Supper

"How was the play!"

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

'I hired a motivational speaker once, but unfortunately all of my employees left to get better jobs.'

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

Shareholder's Meetings

People often have us confused with investment bankers. We loot and plunder, leaving a mess wherever we go, and when there are complaints we claim endangered species status.

"Look - I've just invented the spade!..."

'Then someone hit on the idea of selling our torture devices to fitness centers.'

'This is getting to be too much for me. I'm thinking of becoming a middlebrow.'

"Members of the board, my indecision is final."

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"