Cultivated Comedian Gifts

'Why, yes, a banner season for squash! What makes you ask?'

I'm prepared to admit that you may have startled me a bit, sure!

Motorherd

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

'Bad news is Tim Turkey is dead, the good news is I've made a wish!'

A centi-stampede.

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

"I get aroused when I see you in leather."

"I didn't mean to trample him. How do you say 'my bad' in human?"

"It's weeder's elbow."

Keister Island

Farm Humor.

'Scottish Arts Council? I'm looking for sponsorship to help me sit through a performance of Gotterdammerung.'

"You planted only beans and corn last year, right Herman...?"

'Will you knock it off. Your set wasn't that bad.'

The leatherhosen thief strikes again!

A Cowpat A cow patting another cow

Political Hipsters

"I thought you'd like it. It's an orchid. pre-neglected!"

Does THAT satisfy your commitment to the Trade Description Act?

Tallit barcode

'Sam, you either rebuild these gutters or you can get another veterinarian.'

"I've been watching British shows on hulu. They're strange."

"Watering the sidewalk, eh?"

'That so turns me on.'

'These home brew kits are great... I reckon they'd taste even better if I were to give them a chance to ferment!'

"Geez. Dude, is that steel wool?"