Cultivator Of Laughs Gifts

"It's weeder's elbow."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

King and Jester

'I see we've got some techies in tonight.'

'Right, now learn this trick...'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

Tragedy and Material

Making sure the pitcher is up for the job.

'I've written you a song' - 'Oh, that's very kind of you. What's it called?' - 'It's called 'I'll stay with you forever baby.'' - 'How sweet. Let me hear it...' - 'Ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai, ai,

'Well, so far the only ones to answer our fondue party invitation are the rats in our basement.'

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

Kid has pot stuck on his head.

'Oh yeah, I forgot.'

'You are here' T-shirt,

"I tied his line around this log, then I tug on it once in awhile. He's gullible, because it's been three hours now."

'Oh dear, it looks like the men have been talking about work again.'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

"It's just the milk talking."

'Why, yes, a banner season for squash! What makes you ask?'

'No, we do not make change.'

'Sir, making mistakes is a craft, but making things up the way we do is art.'

'I can't believe we do this for a living.'

Estate Agents - Now in!! Affordable houses (flooded).

Fish Pedicure

'Summited Mount Everest, did you? Was that just the one time?'