Plant-based Humorist Gifts

Chicken Soup for the Vegan Soul.

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Two vegans, please."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

Free salad bar.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Two vegetarians please.

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

Man is injured transporting cacti.

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

The vegan hunter

Spinach Dating.

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

Avoid Constant Borrowing

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

"Y a qué de la salade?"

Too Much SOY