Botanical Humorist Gifts

"Oh, don't worry. I'm a vegetarian."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

"You should see a doctor about those varicose vines."

Venus fly trap.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"It seems that a flower is just a weed in drag!"

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

"The hair growth formula didn't help Bob...so we're trying it in the garden!"

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Belching plant

Rejected State Flowers

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

"Run, Roslyn! Your kale is out of control!"

"Do any of you (hic) have any idea of the sort of pressure (hic) it takes to actually be the state flower?!"

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

Medicinal plants

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Modern Witch Shoppe

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.