Botanical Humor Lover Gifts

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Alpestris Laxifolius

"I warned him not to go vegan."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

Woolly tofu.

'I've decided to go straight!'

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

Venus fly trap.

'Say when.'

"What seems to be the problem?"

'Honey have you seen my Viagra'

"I see you've laid out your garden."

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."

Bathing Flowers.

Cactus Hold Up

'I've told you before, I don't like broccoli.'

"Johnson, look at the lilies of the field. They neither spin nor toil. Fire them."

'I think you've talked it to death, dear.'

Bro Miliads

"I thought you'd like it. It's an orchid. pre-neglected!"

"The hair growth formula didn't help Bob...so we're trying it in the garden!"

'There goes the scourge of this county.'

November: Your lawn will have stopped growing now.

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

"I think you'd better switch the water feature off."

'The bad news is, it didn't grow hair. The good news is, he's being featured in 'Better Homes and Gardens'.' (Quick Gro tub next to chair.)

"It seems that a flower is just a weed in drag!"

Belching plant

After you finish picking the poppies for opium, don't forget to save some seeds for my lemon muffins.