Plant Lover's Humor Gifts

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"What are you in for?"

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Flytrap nerd.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Cover my mouth when I cough? with what?

Even garden plants like to visit.

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

Square Yard

Woolly tofu.

"Good news - he's in a vegetative state."

Say it with cacti

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

'Say when.'

Bathing Flowers.

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Cactus Hold Up

'I've told you before, I don't like broccoli.'

"Bloody cowslips!"

November: Your lawn will have stopped growing now.

"Wordplay - transplant. I used to be a gladiola."

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"I warned him not to go vegan."

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

Flower pot tries to escape to the next balcony.

Bro Miliads

"I think you'd better switch the water feature off."

'There goes the scourge of this county.'

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

"Don't worry about that, the staff can't seem to keep anything alive around here."