Plant Humor Fan Gifts

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Flytrap nerd.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Even garden plants like to visit.

Woolly tofu.

"Good news - he's in a vegetative state."

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

'I've decided to go straight!'

Say it with cacti

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

'Say when.'

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Bathing Flowers.

Cactus Hold Up

"Bloody cowslips!"

"Oh Colin, I do wish you wouldn't upset the Venus fly trap"

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

Bro Miliads

"I'm not sure what you've got, but then I'm no horticulturist."

"Wordplay - transplant. I used to be a gladiola."

"I warned him not to go vegan."

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

"Don't worry about that, the staff can't seem to keep anything alive around here."

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Lots of men your age use Miracle-Gro."

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

'We can't wait to get into a bed with you lot!'