Plant Humor Fan Gifts

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"What are you in for?"

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Flytrap nerd.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Cover my mouth when I cough? with what?

Even garden plants like to visit.

Woolly tofu.

"Good news - he's in a vegetative state."

Say it with cacti

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

'I've decided to go straight!'

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

'Say when.'

Cactus Hold Up

Bathing Flowers.

"I see you've laid out your garden."

"Oh Colin, I do wish you wouldn't upset the Venus fly trap"

"Bloody cowslips!"

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

Bro Miliads

"I warned him not to go vegan."

"I'm not sure what you've got, but then I'm no horticulturist."

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

"Wordplay - transplant. I used to be a gladiola."

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

"Don't worry about that, the staff can't seem to keep anything alive around here."

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Lots of men your age use Miracle-Gro."

"I think I'll start with the fly soup."