Plant-based Humor Lover Gifts

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

'The vegetarians are the smug-looking ones...'

Even garden plants like to visit.

Eye Bank.

Midnight in the Vegetable Garden of Good and Evil.

Woolly tofu.

'And I can do the procedure right here in my office.'

'I don't think I've ever had an eggplant before!'

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

"They were monsters! That's the last time I babysit for the children of the corn."

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

An Artichoke choking on some food

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Cactus Hold Up

Bathing Flowers.

A couple of criminal pickles 'jar jack' a pickle jar.

The giant liberal carrot I created cannot be stopped. We can't kill it. That would be like killing me. House of Java.net Cybercafe. But I've thought of a way to neutralize it. Through a connection at Fox News, I got hold of some Sean Hannity DNA. Dear god. Trump lies. Carrots are weak on defense!

Vegetables watch a TV show called 'I'm a Celeriac ??" Get Me Out of Here!'

"I'm looking for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"I warned him not to go vegan."

Cucumbersome

"They're excellent for the eyes."