Plant-based Joke Enthusiast Gifts

"Why did I have to be 'rescued' by a vegan?!"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Flytrap nerd.

Hay fever hotline.

'The vegetarians are the smug-looking ones...'

'And I can do the procedure right here in my office.'

Woolly tofu.

Say it with cacti

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Bathing Flowers.

Cactus Hold Up

"Bloody cowslips!"

"I'm looking for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

Car rot. I thought you would like to know! Carrot. Do you want a punch in the knows?!

"I'm not sure what you've got, but then I'm no horticulturist."

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

"My paw's getting tired. Is your paw getting tired?"

Bro Miliads

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

"Don't worry about that, the staff can't seem to keep anything alive around here."

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

Chicken Soup for the Vegan Soul.

Vegan Burgers. We're expanding output, but you created confusion by telling customers that we're "beefing up" production.

The Blue Palo Verde