Plant-based Joke Enthusiast Pillows

"Why did I have to be 'rescued' by a vegan?!"

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Flytrap nerd.

Hay fever hotline.

'The vegetarians are the smug-looking ones...'

Woolly tofu.

'And I can do the procedure right here in my office.'

Say it with cacti

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

Cactus Hold Up

Bathing Flowers.

"I see you've laid out your garden."

"Bloody cowslips!"

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

"I'm looking for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"My paw's getting tired. Is your paw getting tired?"

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"I'm not sure what you've got, but then I'm no horticulturist."

Bro Miliads

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

"Don't worry about that, the staff can't seem to keep anything alive around here."

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

'I'm looking for a plant that's deaf. I don't have time to talk to it.'

The Blue Palo Verde