Plant Humor Lover Pillows

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"What are you in for?"

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Flytrap nerd.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Cover my mouth when I cough? with what?

Even garden plants like to visit.

Woolly tofu.

"Good news - he's in a vegetative state."

Say it with cacti

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

'Say when.'

Bathing Flowers.

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Cactus Hold Up

"Johnson, look at the lilies of the field. They neither spin nor toil. Fire them."

"Bloody cowslips!"

Bro Miliads

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

"Wordplay - transplant. I used to be a gladiola."

"I'm not sure what you've got, but then I'm no horticulturist."

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"I warned him not to go vegan."

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

"Don't worry about that, the staff can't seem to keep anything alive around here."

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

Chicken Soup for the Vegan Soul.

"Don't be embarrassed. Lots of men your age use Miracle-Gro."

'I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals - I'm a vegetarin because I hate plants.'