Plant Joke Enthusiast Pillows

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"What are you in for?"

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Flytrap nerd.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Cover my mouth when I cough? with what?

Hay fever hotline.

Woolly tofu.

"Good news - he's in a vegetative state."

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

Say it with cacti

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

'Say when.'

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Bathing Flowers.

Cactus Hold Up

"Bloody cowslips!"

"I'm not sure what you've got, but then I'm no horticulturist."

"Wordplay - transplant. I used to be a gladiola."

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

Bro Miliads

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

"My paw's getting tired. Is your paw getting tired?"

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

"I warned him not to go vegan."

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

"Don't worry about that, the staff can't seem to keep anything alive around here."

'I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals - I'm a vegetarin because I hate plants.'

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

"Don't be embarrassed. Lots of men your age use Miracle-Gro."

Vegan Burgers. We're expanding output, but you created confusion by telling customers that we're "beefing up" production.