Plant Joke Enthusiast Pillows

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Flytrap nerd.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Hay fever hotline.

Woolly tofu.

"Good news - he's in a vegetative state."

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

Say it with cacti

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

'Say when.'

Cactus Hold Up

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Bathing Flowers.

"Bloody cowslips!"

Bro Miliads

"Wordplay - transplant. I used to be a gladiola."

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

"I warned him not to go vegan."

"My paw's getting tired. Is your paw getting tired?"

"I'm not sure what you've got, but then I'm no horticulturist."

"Wouldn't this one look nice shrivelled up in the kitchen?"

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

"Don't worry about that, the staff can't seem to keep anything alive around here."

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

'We can't wait to get into a bed with you lot!'

'I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals - I'm a vegetarin because I hate plants.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Lots of men your age use Miracle-Gro."