Plant Doctor Joke Lover Pillows

"I'm not sure what you've got, but then I'm no horticulturist."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

Even garden plants like to visit.

"I'd like you to see a botanist. You exhibit many of the symptoms of Dutch elm disease."

Woolly tofu.

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

'Say when.'

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Bathing Flowers.

Cactus Hold Up

'Our employees are seeing doctors less now we've started hiring quacks.'

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

'He's a good specialist but he pokes. You need one who prods.'

'Yes, I could 'take a wild guess', but I think I'll do some tests.'

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

"I'm going to refer you to a landscape gardener."

We've discovered this cures hypochondria without even having to inject it...!

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

'I'm looking for a plant that's deaf. I don't have time to talk to it.'