Plant Doctor Joke Lover Gifts

"I'm not sure what you've got, but then I'm no horticulturist."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

"Do you want to speak to the man in charge or the nurse who knows what's going on?"

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Even garden plants like to visit.

GP say 10 minute surgery is not long enough

"I'd like you to see a botanist. You exhibit many of the symptoms of Dutch elm disease."

Woolly tofu.

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

'Say when.'

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Bathing Flowers.

Cactus Hold Up

'Our employees are seeing doctors less now we've started hiring quacks.'

Man not charged enough for first opinion.

Yes, by all means, Mr. Fusco, feel free to seek out a second opinion

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

'He's a good specialist but he pokes. You need one who prods.'

'Yes, I could 'take a wild guess', but I think I'll do some tests.'

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

"Then I said, 'So what does a lesbian vegan Wiccan do for fun?'"

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

We've discovered this cures hypochondria without even having to inject it...!

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

"I'm going to refer you to a landscape gardener."