Plant-based Pun Enthusiast Pillows

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

"I have to be honest: the job you're applying for is a real no-brainer. Are you sure you're OK with that?"

"How would you like your soy protein, mixed tocopherols and methylcellulose patty?"

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"This IS a chicken fried steak!"

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Flytrap nerd.

"I'm going to start with the antipasta."

"Guac-A-Mole"

'The vegetarians are the smug-looking ones...'

"It's not addicting, all natural, recycled and plant-based...it's cud!"

What's the difference between fast food and slow food?

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

What on earth are you doing? Well, you wanted battered sausage, didn't you?

Woolly tofu.

"That's a silly magazine quiz, but I would say Frenchmen are leg-men..."

"I know it's made of tofu, Paul, but you're missing the point."

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"I'm surprised Tofurkey isn't more popular. It tastes nothing like turkey."

Say it with cacti

Vegan Menu

'We've isolated the gene for breadcrumbs!'

"Good news - he's in a vegetative state."

"The four seasons? Easy. Pepper, Salt, Mustard and Vinegar!"

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'Stopped a shoplifter today. Caught him red-handed.'