Humorous Botanist Gifts

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

Garden Shop: Pig $#!@ and Sheep $#!@

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

Woman Planting Flowers in her Snow Covered Garden.

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"I've discovered why it isn't cutting the grass properly - it's a vacuum cleaner."

Venus fly trap.

Mystery vegetable growing in plot.

Gardener's Calendar: Keep an eye open for pests

I've discovered green fingers are of little help if you've got bad breath.

Cactus Hold Up

Talk to your plants - but never enter a suicide pact with one.

"...Father Gill would not accept that whistling could not be a substitute for water."

Bathing Flowers.

"I see you've laid out your garden."

"What seems to be the problem?"

'Honey have you seen my Viagra'

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."

'You haven't been talking to it, you've been nagging it.'

Will Work for Manure

Bro Miliads

"The hair growth formula didn't help Bob...so we're trying it in the garden!"

Belching plant