Humorous Horticulturalist Gifts

Gardening Tools

'Let's see the weeds get up through that!'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'So much for talking to plants. I distinctly heard it tell me to shut up!'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Bonsai Exhibit

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

Hose and Flower in Perfect Harmony.

Plants to Avoid - Creeping Wallenda

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.