Amused Horticulturist Gifts

'Honey have you seen my Viagra'

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Plants to Avoid - Creeping Wallenda

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

'See, I told you this electric fence would come in handy.'

The happy gardener

Square Yard

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

It's an unwritten law. Guys can like only two kinds of flowering plants - a cactus with thorns or that one that eats flies.

Clown watering his flowers.

Garden Shop: Pig $#!@ and Sheep $#!@

Woman Planting Flowers in her Snow Covered Garden.

"I've discovered why it isn't cutting the grass properly - it's a vacuum cleaner."

"You've just raided your last patch!"

Mystery vegetable growing in plot.

Gardener's Calendar: Keep an eye open for pests

Xmas wrapping paper blower.

I've discovered green fingers are of little help if you've got bad breath.

Cactus Hold Up

'You haven't been talking to it, you've been nagging it.'

...wait a minute. It's not really National Hot Dog Day?!

Clowns tending lawn.

Flower pot tries to escape to the next balcony.

"Have you been talking to the flowers again?"

'It's them next door, on about that hedge again.'

The Blue Palo Verde

No Diving.

"Do you want a total check-up or just a cleaning?"

'Look out.'

"Incidentally, I'm ordering all this fertilizer for peaceful purposes."

Landscapegoat