Humorist Horticulturist Gifts

Garden Shop: Pig $#!@ and Sheep $#!@

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'So much for talking to plants. I distinctly heard it tell me to shut up!'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Bonsai Exhibit

Modern Witch Shoppe

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'