Gardening Humorist Gifts

'Is the seven year flowering cactus in bud yet?'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

Do not abuse the Lawn

'Had that Charlie Dimmock bird in the back the other day, messin' about with my rear screen washer she was...'

Visual Gag: Butterfly Bush Spicebush Ambush.

'I have the perfect shovel-ready project to stimulate you.'

Bonsai Chainsaw

Man is injured transporting cacti.

As a result of an initial spelling error, Worthing inadvertantly forms the first permculture group in the UK.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Lift your stems."

The Fireside Jungle: Over watering is a main cause of plant failure.

The festive season brings it's own interesting little chores...and well earned rewards.

Avoid Constant Borrowing

"Yeah, that's a comb over."

"I never promised you a rose garden."

"Still stuck in the past there, Jim?"

"Here's a less known Jane Austen novel that you might enjoy. It's about carpentry and lawn care, called 'Fence and Fencibility."

Beware of the snake pits!

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."