Humor Horticulturist Gifts

Gardener's Calendar: Keep an eye open for pests

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'I had a wonderful garden last year. Bark beetles, aphids, mealy worms, thripes, wax seal, gray mold, and grubs!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"What are you in for?"

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

'So much for talking to plants. I distinctly heard it tell me to shut up!'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Bonsai Exhibit

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

Plants to Avoid - Creeping Wallenda

'It's only a slug Norman.'