Humorous Horticulture Gifts

"You've just raided your last patch!"

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Garden Shop - Top Soil, Bottom Soil (manure)

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"What are you in for?"

'So much for talking to plants. I distinctly heard it tell me to shut up!'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Bonsai Exhibit

The Last Days of a Hydrangea

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Hose and Flower in Perfect Harmony.

Plants to Avoid - Creeping Wallenda

"Your roots are showing."

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

"I dread these W.I. meetings

'Grow you son of a bitch!'

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

Square Yard

Garden Shop: Pig $#!@ and Sheep $#!@

It's an unwritten law. Guys can like only two kinds of flowering plants - a cactus with thorns or that one that eats flies.

Annuals - Perennials - Eternals

Woman Planting Flowers in her Snow Covered Garden.

Snail to Slug.

'Oh ya! I didn't tell you guys. I'm a vegetarian now.'

Super Plant Food.

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

"I've discovered why it isn't cutting the grass properly - it's a vacuum cleaner."

Mystery vegetable growing in plot.

Gardener digging a flower bed over the croquet lawn.