Quirky Botanist Gifts

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

Mania Varietals

"...Father Gill would not accept that whistling could not be a substitute for water."

Talk to your plants - but never enter a suicide pact with one.

Will Work for Manure

"Thanks for taking care of my plant. You really don't need a 'green thumb', she isn't picky."

Pumping up a cactus

'You say 'dead.' I say 'low maintenance.''

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

Please buzz off. That's my flower!

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Planting Bird Seed.

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

'Be sure to ask George about his tomatoes.'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Clown watering his flowers.

Football fan

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'