Whimsical Botanist Gifts

'A remarkable specimen. It's a bonsai oak but badly affected by giantism.'

"The scientists never stopped to ask if they should - only if they could."

Escaping Flowers

"Can you believe we walked right past security?"

"I don't know the Latin, but the common name is climbing onion."

The Phantom Of The Garden

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

Cyclist Flamingoes

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

'Every summer, dandelions can't wait to go topless!'

"Eating the poinsettia didn't make him sick. It was the three pounds of potting soil."

A man playing on an elephant

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

With my home genetic engineering kit, I've created massive, politically active vegetables. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. It was an accident, but something feels right. Introducing Meet the Produce. Next topic: Trump. Losing. Winning.

Hedgecutter cutting a hedge 'key' into a hedge 'door'

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

Skyscrapers.

Venus fly trap.

'Honey have you seen my Viagra'

'Still no takers, did it ever occur to you that they may not like the neighbourhood?'

"...Father Gill would not accept that whistling could not be a substitute for water."

Talk to your plants - but never enter a suicide pact with one.

"Now, that's how you know you're in the garden of bird lovers: They've installed a Spa, not just a bird-bath..."

Clown watering houseplant.

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."

"What seems to be the problem?"

Will Work for Manure

After you finish picking the poppies for opium, don't forget to save some seeds for my lemon muffins.

"Dad got tired of reading those scare stories - now he sits there all day, photosynthesizes, and grows his own!"

Football Fan