Plant-based Comedian Gifts

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Two vegans, please."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

Free salad bar.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

Two vegetarians please.

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

Burn All Your Garden Rubbish

The vegan hunter

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"I get aroused when I see you in leather."

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

Spinach Dating.

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

Eye Bank.

'We're vegetarians now because the prey animals have formed a union.'

Cybervegan Caf

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"