Plant-based Comedian Gifts

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Two vegans, please."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'Dad, you know that I'd never buy a pet that eats meat. Luckily, I found a guy who sold me the World's only vegetarian dog!'

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

Two vegetarians please.

Free salad bar.

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

Spinach Dating.

Burn All Your Garden Rubbish

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"I get aroused when I see you in leather."

The vegan hunter

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

Too Much SOY

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

'We're vegetarians now because the prey animals have formed a union.'

"I eat green but I don't vote green."