Plant Talk Humorists Gifts

Even garden plants like to visit.

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

Midnight in the Vegetable Garden of Good and Evil.

Woolly tofu.

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"They were monsters! That's the last time I babysit for the children of the corn."

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

Garden spade and fork shaped like a knife and fork.

'I think I'll go for a leek!'

'I've decided to go straight!'

An Artichoke choking on some food

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

'I don't think I've ever had an eggplant before!'

"The growing season has barely begun, but I've already been getting death threats."

Venus fly trap.

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"What seems to be the problem?"

Cactus Hold Up

Bathing Flowers.

"I see you've laid out your garden."

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."