Plant Talk Humorists Pillows

Even garden plants like to visit.

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

Broccoli reading: 'Coping with Anthropomorphism'.

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'... And I now insert the brai ... Egor, this is a cauliflower.'

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

Eye Bank.

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

Midnight in the Vegetable Garden of Good and Evil.

Woolly tofu.

'He grew on me and he's been watering himself ever since!'

Garden spade and fork shaped like a knife and fork.

An Artichoke choking on some food

"They were monsters! That's the last time I babysit for the children of the corn."

'I think I'll go for a leek!'

'I've decided to go straight!'

'I don't think I've ever had an eggplant before!'

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

"You know you've been acting really stuck-up ever. Since you got that stand."

"The growing season has barely begun, but I've already been getting death threats."

Venus fly trap.

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

Bathing Flowers.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."