Commodity Comedian Gifts

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Bubble Gum Farms.

Motorherd

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

Stock Market Research and Analysis

Cow in a vest: Well, I think I look like Bruce Willis!

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

"What do you mean I eat as though I was born in a barn? I WAS born in a barn."

Have you hugged your money today?

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

Snowman carrot substitute.

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

Ten business commandments, city trading floor

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

'My wife, my rancher, his artificial insemination device!'

Eat your salad. Blurg! Now! Quick! Put it into my bag! Finito. Mother! You've started up your compost pile, haven't you? You make it sound so rotten!

Sign - 'Warning: Government Spending Objectives Are Larger Than They Actually Appear.'

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Bankers waking up from cryo-sleep to explain the Fed's interest rate hike to you.

"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''

'Sorry, but Watford is not a tax heaven!'

"The Scrimpshaws have finally decided to deposit their savings."

'He'd be handsome even without the big bonus, stock options and obscene salary!'

'Why, yes, a banner season for squash! What makes you ask?'

"He married her for her stuff."

Biggest selling fly cereal on the market.

If the Fed can loosen it's money supply, why can't you?

Heeeres Alistair (Darling).

HA HA PAID NO TAXES

'Eddie, how about emerging Far East funds? The rumor is that China will come out with a velcro chopstick!'