Capitalist Comedian Gifts

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

"It would appear they worshipped the almighty dollar."

Trickledown economics

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Aliens - 'We heard stuff is cheap here.'

Office of economic forecasting.

'We buy and sell them.'

'Today the stock market closed early so money managers could take time to stop and smell the profits.'

'Oh dear. I seem to have put the decimal point in the wrong place again.'

Have you hugged your money today?

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

'It's the NEW Chinese Stock Market Report.'

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

A Double-Dip Recession with Sprinkles

'Eddie, you've tried aggressive growth, multicaps, small caps, blue chips...now maybe it's time to try a support group for underperforming portfolios?'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'Someday, Son, all of this will be yo....!'

"That man's a legend in this office. He has 100% accuracy in predicting the past."

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Dad, somehow I got into the IRS files.'

Government Handouts.

Grand Opening and Closing Down Sale simultaneously occurring.