Capitalist Chuckler Gifts

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

"The subwoofers really help."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

Wall Street Money Never Sleeps. They've obviously never seen my investment portfolio.

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'...and on that you have my word.'

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'I thought up the term 'too big to fail'. So where's my bonus?'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Have you hugged your money today?

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

The Big Four debate banking ethics

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Yes, I did receive your resume. As a matter of fact, I'm passing it around the office as we speak.'

'Bless you!'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"