Business Chuckler Gifts

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Spot the difference.

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

"I hate performance review season."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

'Our problem is how to lower quality while raising prices...'

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"It lost a little something in translation."

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

'Here you are, Simmons!'

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."