Corporate Chuckle Enthusiasts Gifts

"You've got mail! Also, Time, CNN, HBO, ICQ, Warner Bros, Netscape, Sports Illustrated. . . . ."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"I'll show you our growth projections but only if you promise not to snicker."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

'Got to admit,as far as mission statements go, it's pretty damn bold.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

Office pics on dinner table.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

'Excellent!...We've been looking to hire someone who can think outside the box.'

'I see everyone got the memo.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.

Office meeting

In and Out Sourced.

"We need to think outside the pentangle."

'How about we just sit here a while to regulate the gaps in our service?..'

"He'll do anything to say in power."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."