Crisis Chuckler Gifts

"Rona you say, well nice to meet you." (man talking to the corona virus)

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'What do you mean you're afraid of the dark? You're a nightcrawler.'

"If global warming is a left wing plot... it's a very good one."

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Nobody noticed when poor Farmer Jack froze to death in the snow at the front of his farm.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"Will this global warming mean we'll have longer summer vacations?"

Keyboard in Heaven

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

"I don't know. I just don't think this 'bowling' thing will work."

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

Tonight's topic: Global warming.

Teacher to student with spots: 'Tests make you nervous and break out in what?'

'You were afraid for the drill?'

'Of course it's renewable -- you just throw more sticks on it!'

'Bless you!'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

'Can you let me have five till Obama bails us all out, sir?'

"He says masks are mandatory to enter. Should we try the other place instead?"