Comedy Chuckler Gifts

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"The subwoofers really help."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

The Big Four debate banking ethics

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'He's our Spam expert!'

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

STRIP Hambone: Computer health analysis

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

'Bless you!'

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

New! Cell-U-Lite Tellaphone: 'Hmmm! There's something wrong here!'

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

An idle lap is the devil's workbench.

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."