Comedic Chuckler Gifts

"The subwoofers really help."

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'You were afraid for the drill?'

"Dang!! Wrong hole."

'Bless you!'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

Is it true that all cats are free thinkers? Yeah, we can't stand dogma.

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"