Capitalism Satirist Gifts

"So I'm just looking around - right? - when this invisible hand of the market reaches into my purse and maxes out all of my credit cards!"

Capitalists Courageous

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Spot the difference.

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Parade of Businessmen

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Made in China

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

"We're all just a number here, Finch, and fortunately my number is one."

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

Stock market investment advice

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

'The recession is over, again.'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

Fuel bill gone through the roof