Investment Satirist Gifts

'Your investment are not working out because your hindsight is 20/20 and your foresight is 20/400.'

"The most important feature of economic predictions is trying not to laugh while making them."

'It doesn't look good, Sir -- they're all bringing back their toasters!'

"Run for your lives! It's one of those sovereign wealth funds."

Off the wall financial adviser.

The Stock Market...August 22 - 16 days before Labor Day.

We have boorish stocks for boorish times.

Spot the difference.

'This country is on the road to ruin.' - 'Well, it'll never get there in this traffic.'

'Let's just wait here until the federal stimulus returns.'

The truth is, Congressman, we didn't know it was wrong to screw people.

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Made in China

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

"But there's no way in hell I could afford Jupiter today."

'The recession is over, again.'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

"Allow me to introduce Recession. Recession is here to stay."

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

Vinnie's Repossessions: A Turtle has just had his shell repossessed

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

'The reason I have been able to keep my job through these turbulent times, is that I welcome change, especially if it's from a vending machine.'

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

The Euro - R.I.P.

'Bad news on Wall Street. The entire stock market has been downgraded to a 'junk' classification.'

Where Ignorance is Bliss.

'I think we're setting the bar too low.'

'Wait a minute....!

Money god

"We need a market icon that reflects the ridiculous market conditions..."