Consumerist Comedian Gifts

More Crap

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Woman thinking about luxuries.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

Expensive greeting cards.

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

Woman impulsively buying a book about how to stop impulse buying.

"I'm sure you want little Jimmy to have a complete set of 'Muscular Heroes of the Cosmos,' now, don't you, Mr. Bennett?"

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

desert isle shopping trolley...

'The good news is, I got your Mum's cardigan.'

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

Pirate Captain Wears Pirate Slogan T-Shirt

"I'm going out to keep consumer spending in line with Wall Street expectations."

"I admire their honesty -- I'll take six."

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

Ed's Odd Job Lot.

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"'Take that,' growled the writer as the buyer for Borders slumped to the ..."

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

"Not much to look at, but it was a real bargain at the Gene Depot."

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

"Sellouts."

"Honey, they just can't resist it."

'Remember, you're NEVER a stranger in this store because we've got LOADS of shopping data on you!'

"My salary is struggling to keep pace with the empty bottomless pit of my greed."