Consumerist Comedian Gifts

More Crap

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

Woman thinking about luxuries.

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

Expensive greeting cards.

"It's this trend that leads us to believe we should supplement our oil commodities with investments in some of the Earth's rich vinegar and crouton reserves."

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

Woman impulsively buying a book about how to stop impulse buying.

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

desert isle shopping trolley...

"It's just not the same."

"I'm sure you want little Jimmy to have a complete set of 'Muscular Heroes of the Cosmos,' now, don't you, Mr. Bennett?"

'The good news is, I got your Mum's cardigan.'

Pirate Captain Wears Pirate Slogan T-Shirt

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

"I'm going out to keep consumer spending in line with Wall Street expectations."

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

Ed's Odd Job Lot.

How America Was Re-Won

It's a new year, little buddy. What are you going to do to make the most of it? Throw out the old to make room for the new. Very deep, little buddy. I'm a deep person. If the big-screen tv I got on Black Friday is a whole month old, I'm Zen enough to just breathe ... and let it go, on eBay. Want to hear my Zen mantra? Luckily, I stopped listening 30 seconds ago.

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

Visit Our Gift Shop

"'Take that,' growled the writer as the buyer for Borders slumped to the ..."

If you don't see what you want, buy something you don't want!

"I admire their honesty -- I'll take six."

Invent Sales Day

"Not much to look at, but it was a real bargain at the Gene Depot."

"Sellouts."

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

"Honey, they just can't resist it."

'Remember, you're NEVER a stranger in this store because we've got LOADS of shopping data on you!'