Consumer Culture Satirist Gifts

"So, how many brands of birds do they make?"

'This appliance will replace that other appliance which replaced all those original appliances.'

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Made in China

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

Sign Reform

"Do you have pants in XL?"

Pirates at the mall.

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

Screwdriver labelled 'Buyer' and screw labelled 'seller'.

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

Expensive greeting cards.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Early man learns that by walking upright, his hands become free to do many useful things.

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

'All we want is to be loved while making obscene profits.'

I called you to this synergistic ideation to strategize methods of creating new annoying words.

"Hold the confetti, sir, he's not retiring, you're letting him go."

Cold caller.

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

Too Much Plastic.

'Ms Chenault, are these art works or profit charts? I forget which.'

"They came up with a new class of anti-depressants that will inhibit compulsive shopping."

Mall Ahead - Be prepared to shop.

'Corporations' studying a city for its 'pros' and 'cons'

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

'Hi, my name is Eve. Where is the mall?'

"Not quite – one ankle on top of the other!"