Consumerism Satire Gifts

Pirate Captain Wears Pirate Slogan T-Shirt

SEE SANTA!, 'Why don't we make it simple this year, and you just extend me a line of credit?'

"Wait a sec, I have a coupon around here somewhere."

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

Woman thinking about luxuries.

Pirates at the mall.

"Before we made the leap to cyberspace, our stockholders made us promise we'd maintain a traditional street presence, too!"

Expensive greeting cards.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'You're out of '50 Great Years of Mindless Consumerism?' How about 'Celebrating America's Shopping Malls?' That one, too?'

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

Woman impulsively buying a book about how to stop impulse buying.

"I'm sure you want little Jimmy to have a complete set of 'Muscular Heroes of the Cosmos,' now, don't you, Mr. Bennett?"

"I just got a Trump alert with my discount code off my next purchase of Trump baseball caps."

"It's just not the same."

desert isle shopping trolley...

'The good news is, I got your Mum's cardigan.'

"Finally! An iconic advertising image that represents Christmas, Valentine's Day and Easter!"

"I'm going out to keep consumer spending in line with Wall Street expectations."

Instant Gratification service desk (with a long queue and delay)

"If we new this was going to happen we could have arranged some great TV sponsorship deals."

"I admire their honesty -- I'll take six."

It's a new year, little buddy. What are you going to do to make the most of it? Throw out the old to make room for the new. Very deep, little buddy. I'm a deep person. If the big-screen tv I got on Black Friday is a whole month old, I'm Zen enough to just breathe ... and let it go, on eBay. Want to hear my Zen mantra? Luckily, I stopped listening 30 seconds ago.

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

How America Was Re-Won

Ed's Odd Job Lot.

Visit Our Gift Shop

"Actually, take us to your gift shop first."

"Sales of our festive toilet cleaner have gone through the floor...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what the festive season is ALL ABOUT!"

"'Take that,' growled the writer as the buyer for Borders slumped to the ..."

Invent Sales Day

"Not much to look at, but it was a real bargain at the Gene Depot."

"Sellouts."