Consumer Satire Fan Gifts

"And, in exchange for his testimony, your client gets to pick something nice out of our catalogue."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

"You know, there are other emojis."

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"One question, what's a share option?"

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"My God! There goes middle management."

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

"I've been thinking, but I'm going to stop."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'The good news is that from now on I belong to a very rare species. There aren't many personnel managers who create their own pink slip.'

'Oh, oh! Here comes the queen! Look busy!'

"Maybe you do have all the answers but they didn't match any of our questions."

'No no Mr. Peters, you are not being outsourced. You are being virtualised in 'the cloud'.'

'I under-achieve because you over-expect.'

"I have the profit sharing figures. You owe the company �2,367.25."

'No, I did not have a good day at the office, you know that's against the rules.'

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

Congratulations, Bixby. You've finally risen to your level of nincompoop-ness!