Supermarket Satire Fan Gifts

"Cash back?"

Super Express Lane: One item or less.

Pirates at the mall.

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'The stuff legends are made of'

What's your returns policy on faulty goods?

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

Eye of Newt Helper

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

Woman on a Pedestal. . . Who Married the Mothers Boy.

'Yes?'

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

'Uh oh. Cougar alert.'

And this is one we made earlier.

That was 16 items.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

"Aside from the foot, do you think my parking's getting better?"

'I've always been a great fan of yours. I wrote all your books!'

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Undertakers' supermarket.

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

"Butcher!"

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