Supermarket Satirists Gifts

'They have an excellent frozen food section, but not much of anything else.'

"Do you sell 'food'?"

"I see chocolate bars are on special again. . . where's the duty of care?"

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"Today the market closed at exactly the right price, and all buyers and sellers were very happy."

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Stock Market re-entry now safe. . . City analysts say.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

"Doesn't it seem like we just finished letting the air out of last year's tree?"

Eye of Newt Helper

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

That was 16 items.

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

Crap Nav

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Undertakers' supermarket.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.