Supermarket Humorists Gifts

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

Eye of Newt Helper

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

Low income vampires.

Free Range / Deranged

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

That was 16 items.

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

"Butcher!"

'Express Line, Ten sins or less'

Undertakers' supermarket.

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

'This could be a new record!'

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

Dramatic readings of food labels.

Crime scene outline on the floor of a grocery store.

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

Fat man picking up women in supermarket

"Do you sell 'food'?"

He doesn't look sorry!