Supermarket Humorists Gifts

'Yes?'

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

'No, Johnny - first you punch the airholes, and then you put in the hamster!'

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

Eye of Newt Helper

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

Low income vampires.

Free Range / Deranged

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

That was 16 items.

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

'Express Line, Ten sins or less'

Undertakers' supermarket.

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

Animal Crackers. All the animals in this box are dinosaurs! Better check the expiration date!

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

'This could be a new record!'

"Butcher!"

Dramatic readings of food labels.

Crime scene outline on the floor of a grocery store.

"Head office told our boss to speed up the checkout process...but he misinterpreted and sped up the conveyor belt instead."

The Shopped Elsewhere: 'They take their loyalty card scheme very seriously at this supermarket.'

He doesn't look sorry!

"Do you sell 'food'?"