Supermarket Satire Enthusiast Gifts

"Paper or Plastic?"

'Express Line, Ten sins or less'

Sign Reform

They get into debt so fast these days...

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'The stuff legends are made of'

"So the only way to save the economy is to spend what we haven't got - plus ca change - moin ca change!"

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

Eye of Newt Helper

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'That's the last time I send you shopping!'

'Derek knew that someone, somewhere must have designed a car with a shopping basket.'

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

'Yes?'

'You've got hopelessness and despair until 3:25, at which time your survival instincts are scheduled to kick in.'

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

That was 16 items.

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

Poor Holiday Gift Choice...The Lucifer 2500, Talking GPS Device.

"Sometimes I like to browse the men's section just to screw with the patriarchy."

"If there are more than two people in front of you - we will open another superstore."

'When will you learn? You're only paying for the label!'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

Mail-Order Yard Sale

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

"Classic ballcap $79.95. White, black, red or blue. Adjustable. One size fits all."

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.