Grocery Store Satirist Gifts

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

Greengrocer selling rotten fruit for a political rally.

Pirates at the mall.

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

"Once you break through the plastic clamshell and blister packs, there won't be any packaging left!"

'The stuff legends are made of'

Eye of Newt Helper

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

Low income vampires.

Free Range / Deranged

'Darn it! The bar code doesn't seem to be working. . . flip him over and let's try the other side. . .'

That was 16 items.

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

"Footwear's upstairs, Sir"

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

'This could be a new record!'

Undertakers' supermarket.

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

Crap Nav

'Express Line, Ten sins or less'

'He's been visiting IKEA with someone else.'

Toothpaste mental shutdown.

Woman walking past Five Guys.