Grocery Store Comedian Gifts

'You're right, dear, these self check out lanes really are fast, especially if you don't scan anything.'

'Well isn't it ironic that we come all this way for fresh meat, and only stuff we find is deep-frozen?'

'Are you over 18 stone?'

"My milk is gonna spoil if I stand here any longer."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'I just couldn't think of the word poultry.'

'Don't forget our 'Bargain basement', sir.'

'The stuff legends are made of'

Frozen Food - Pick Your Own

Low income vampires.

5 foot high or less aisle in a supermarket

Free Range / Deranged

That was 16 items.

Woman with sardine tin with warning that it may contain mutant whale-size sardines.

Self Checkout

"People take it more seriously than 'Please don't pinch the peaches'."

"I say my dear, would you pass me some ice please - the fresh stuff, not that frozen rubbish."

'Is this milk fresh?' - 'An hour ago it was grass.'

New: imitation spaghetti - Impasta.

'Notice: results of new studies: most of what was good for you is bad for you - most of what was bad for you is good for you'

Holds leftovers, easy to carry... Gotta say, he almost had me. Right up to th 'Keeps food fresh' part. What a waste of a good idea.

Christmas carol: 'Blow your budget stuff your trolley, tr-la-la-la-laaa-la-la-la-la...'

10 items or less queue. (Woman has thrown eggs onto floor).

'We're out of peanut butter.'

Undertakers' supermarket.

Woman in frozen food isle see a sign: TV Dinners over a case, the dinners are marked CABLE, Dish, Analog.

'This could be a new record!'

Kevin's concerns over horsemeat in the beefburgers evaporated when he passed the frozen fish cabinet.

Hand baskets only lane in hell.

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

'Well, it all tastes like the same old crap to me,'

"Butcher!"

Foods that are bad for you. Foods that are really bad for you.

Dramatic readings of food labels.

Organic Broccoli. . . Pimped Out Broccoli.